he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
