I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
