Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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