Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
