dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
