Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
