Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
