I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
