its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
