Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
