Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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