what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
