She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
