she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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