it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Are we still banned from the library?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
