that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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