what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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