would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
