I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
