I accidentally had phone sex last night
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
