I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
