I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
