After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
