I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
