I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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