god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's blow job season.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
