Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The air was thick with penises
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
