yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
