Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
