so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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