had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
