I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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