Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
