I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
barbara walters just said penis...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Green mimosas i think yes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
