Plan B is the new Plan A
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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