Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
