he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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