i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
