One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
