I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
