soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
