Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Let the clothes fall where they may.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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