i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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