I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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