So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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