what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize