Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
