Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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