How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
