I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
