Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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