theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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