omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
