Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
