They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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