The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
