can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
