I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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