my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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