I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
