I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
