i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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