Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
