Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
