the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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