I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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