the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
