I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
