The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
