whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
