i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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