He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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