remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize