if i can run in heels then i can drive
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize