i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
