Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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