her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
