I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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