hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
