Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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