dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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