I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
