He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
