If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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