im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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