it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
