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WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
MIDGETS
????
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize