You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
