It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
