I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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