fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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