We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
