I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
