the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
